This is a sharing from an article that hubby got from the internet. I feel that this is really meaningful to know especially to Asian parent like us. We will be a mother in law too. So keep in mind for these tips.
Love the Chinese version, but I got another version from SG Asian Parenting in English too. A little different but something to look at.
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最好不要和子女住在一起的10大理由，所有人都該看看！
一勸媽媽
請您不要跟兒女住在一起，孩子們要求與您同住，您也最好把他們趕出去，哪怕他們去租房。
錢可以給他，就是不能同住，隻有明白人才懂得這個道理。
因為兩代人受的教育不一樣，價值觀與生活方式就不一樣。
分開住了，才會距離產生親和美，課本上沒有寫的法則：分住的距離越遠父母與兒女的關系越好。
二勸媽媽
您可以永遠把您的兒子女兒當做未成年，你怎麼使喚打罵都可以，但千萬不要把您的兒媳女婿呼來喚去，因為您罵他們一句，他們會記您一輩子的不是。
這個世界上，隻有他們自己的父母能罵他們，非自己所生所養，就不必去帶過了。
三勸媽媽
您的兒媳女婿亂買東西、愛看韓劇、迷戀手機、不洗衣服，不願煮飯、衛生習慣不好、不愛整理家務、不會帶小孩等等，這通通與您無關系，這是您兒子跟她之間或女兒跟他之間的事，你隻當沒看見就對了。
兒媳或女婿的毛病再多您都不能對別人說，這才是您真正愛兒子女兒。
否則，要麼全家臭名遠揚，被人恥笑；要麼兒離媳散女離婿散，您的孫子外孫不是沒有親娘親爹，就是向別人喊奶奶或外婆！
四勸媽媽
如果您現在正與兒媳或女兒女婿同住，請不要碰他們夫妻的東西，也不要幫他們洗衣服、每天認真去學校接送孩子而不能有半點閃失。
有三個牢記：
第一：牢記他們向來不吃剩飯剩菜；
第二：牢記他們從不喜歡打掃衛生；
第三：牢記食品過期了，哪怕隻一天，馬上扔！
糧食生蟲了，哪怕有幾個，全部倒！不理解也得執行，不習慣也得照辦。說白了，與他們同住就是找氣生，開始生小氣，後來生大氣；所以，早一天實現與他們分住是您每天考慮的頭等大事。
五勸媽媽
您看到他們吵架時，就裝作沒看見，也沒聽見。
您想想，您跟您老公吵架時，會希望您老人介入嗎？
切記：
兒子抱怨的時候，你就多說兒媳的好話；
兒媳抱怨的時候，你得多罵您兒子幾句；
女兒抱怨女婿的時候，你就多說女婿的好；
女婿抱怨女兒的時候，你就多罵女兒幾句。
因為在兒媳和女婿的眼里，“世上隻有她媽好”，婆婆或丈母娘渾身上下是毛病！
六勸媽媽
孫子外孫的爸和媽是您的兒子與兒媳、女兒與女婿，而不是您與您的老公。
所以，您不要搶奪他們教養孩子的權利，哪怕他們再沒有水平。
因為您的教育方法過時了。
所以說，您的隔代教育是吃力不討好，您做不到這一點就是自找苦頭吃，放著清閑不清閑，自找苦吃是不是活該呢？
七勸媽媽
國家沒有專門規定兒媳或女婿必須孝順婆婆或丈母娘，該孝順您的是兒子或女兒。
所以說，您一定要牢牢記住“兩個必須”：
一是，兒媳或女婿對您的好，必須時常掛在嘴上，對外人要多說多講；
二是，兒媳或女婿對您不孝，您也必須說她孝順；
除此之外，還要做到“兩個忘記”：
一是，您對兒媳或女婿的好，要立刻忘記；
二是，兒媳或女婿對您的不好，也要立刻忘記。
您做到了“兩個必須”和“兩個忘記”，再胡攪蠻纏的兒媳或女婿都會慢慢開始“懂點兒事”，因為人心都是肉長的。
八勸媽媽
兒子或女兒鬧離婚的事不要管，離與不離是他們的事，與你無關。
你若是管了，也管不了，最後的結果，不是氣得您大病一場，就是落一個“兒子不好婆難纏、女兒不好母難伺”的壞名聲。
記住，你兒子娶了誰或女兒嫁了誰，誰都得喊你叫媽，他們生的孩子都是你的寶貝孫子或外孫。
九勸媽媽
不要把您生活的重心放在兒子、女兒身上，要多規劃自己的晚年生活。
人生即便已經過半，還有許多有趣的新生事物要學習。
一定要讓自己的晚年生活快樂點兒，請在離世前把所有的存款，甚至財產花光，不要讓存款或財產變成遺產，因為您留下的不是財富，而是怨恨，是爭鬥，是貪婪，是親情毀滅，即使您留給兒女們一點債務也是很優秀的了。
十勸媽媽
尊老愛幼是中國的傳統美德，但是您要明白，孫子外孫不是你的寶貝，而是他爸媽的寶貝。
您嘴上說說就好了，沒有必要為孫子外孫操心操到不吃又不喝，甚至住醫院；您孫子外孫的爸媽為了他的寶貝兒子不吃不喝應該，害病住院也應該，甚至割肉換腎都應該。
您有了好吃好喝的，第一個想起的人不應該是您的孫子，應該是您自己，因為您已經為您的兒女們操心大半輩子了，現在該保重的是您自己，您的孫子已經比您享受的太多了。
朋友：
不管您現在是兒媳、女兒，
還是婆母、嶽母，
請認真地讀一讀這篇《十勸媽》吧，
因為誰讀誰受益！
如果您願意發給另一個兒媳、女兒或婆母、嶽母，
我深信她的家里就會少一點生氣，
多一點歡樂！
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Mothers-in-law have had a long history of disagreement and conflict with their daughters-in-law, and there are a plethora of reasons for it.
But if you’re a daughter-in-law, there are certain things that your mother-in-law should never do to you, whatever their intentions may be. Here are 10 of them, based from Amberlee Lovell’s Family Share article.
1. A mother-in-law should never correct your parenting
There’s a reason why you are the parent of your children and not her. She may disagree with your methods, but she has to know that you are responsible for your children, first and foremost.
2. A mother-in-law should never criticise you to her son
A marriage is between two people, and a mother-in-law has no part in it. Passing gossip to her son about you only harms your marriage. Instead of pointing out your criticism, she should instead find something good about you and cultivate it instead.
3. A mother-in-law should never tell you, “why don’t you try it this way?”
A mother-in-law should let their daughter-in-law make mistakes of their own. After all, the best way to learn is through experience.
4. A mother-in-law should never resent the time your family spends with her
Amberlee says: “Naturally [a mother-in-law wants] to spend time with [her] family, but it's never appropriate to throw a fit, guilt trip or whine about the time [her] son spends with [you].”
5. A mother-in-law should never expect her son to put her first
Her son has a family now, and they will be on top of his priority list. She may find offense that she is no longer the no. 1 woman in your husband’s life, but she should learn to live with this fact.
She should also never make her son choose between her and you. Never.
6. A mother-in-law should never give you a cold shoulder
She should respect her son’s choice of wife. She may not agree with it, but at the end of the day it is HIS decision. Treating you in a horrible way will only damage her relationship with her son.
7. A mother-in-law should never guilt trip when you skip on events
Amberlee’s message to mothers-in-law is this: “Making your son feel guilty for not making it to an event won't make him want to come in the future. It will make him (and his wife) want to withdraw even more.”
8. A mother-in-law should never insist that you live closer
She should never make this decision for you. It’s understandable that a mother-in-law wants you and your family to live closer, but she should understand that your family have your own lives to live.
9. A mother-in-law should never expect you to visit her but not the other way around
Both parties must be willing to visit each other. A mother-in-law shouldn’t just expect her daughter-in-law to make an effort to visit without exerting the same effort on her part.
10. A mother-in-law should never tell you she’s coming over without asking first
They couldn’t simply appear at your doorstep and expect to be welcomed. If she intends to visit, she should ask you first, not just mention it in passing. This is especially important if the current household situation isn’t ideal for visitors.
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