Family - A small word that tag along respect, responsibility and understanding. A family in this context consist of a married couple with kids - just like us.
People loves to talk and "insta" about their lovely moments - dating, wedding, new born, new house, great career and even new car. But when all wonders is over, is one ready for a "REAL" family?
"Family" often been mislead and associate with only tied up, no freedom, house chores - which indeed it is for the lady - unless you are filthy rich and you can afford a maid or your mother in law had trained your hubby to be a very good "houseman" who do all the chores. Sadly in Asian, we only have a minimal population of those man and don't be alarmed if TV or game is your man's best friend.
New generations trends now are into staying together, and due to financial strains some didn't even want to start a family at young age. Divorcing rate is increasing too - it is really not easy making marriages and family work but there is a way, and I am still surviving. Haha. Let's see if below helps.
101 (well...some ways) in surviving a "Family"
1. Pictures that you look in Facebook, Instagram and any social media might not resemblance the joy and fun all along that each family is going through. So, stop comparing and be positive. I could affirms that we do have arguments, bad hair days and frustration too.
2. Love yourself before you love others. When I am not happy, there comes nagging, scolding the kids, showing black face, feels irritated and nothing goes my way. Find something that I love to do helps a little, and by means, splurge yourself with new clothing, makeup or facial and massage session, anything you could make yourself feel good.
3. STOP being an OCD - we could never be perfect. It is not a dead alive thing if we didn't finish the piling laundry, the dirty kitchen, the unmatched socks, the cluttered cabinets, the full sink, the dusty carpets and unkept toys - I know, there are times we just wanted a sparkling clean house after a bad day at work. Truth is it never happens, as it stress you out having to do all the above.
You can hire a part time maid and families can shared the responsibility but not 100% perfect. Have to live with that expectation - seriously, I am still adapting.
OCD meaning from Google search:
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
(OCD) is a mental health disorder that affects people of all ages and walks of life, and occurs when a person gets caught in a cycle of obsessions and compulsions. Obsessions are unwanted, intrusive thoughts, images or urges that trigger intensely distressing feelings.
4. Understanding each family members strength and weakness. Dad is always good at playing with the kids and mum is good in providing comfort when the kids need you. Both are equally important. Yes, I would feel during the argument why we need a Man in the family when now woman is capable in raising the kids financially and take care of their needs.
I found out later that Daddy had an important role - He play rough with the kids instilling a more confident behaviour in a child, and dad let go of the kids pretty fast compare to the worried mother like me. This develop problem solving among the kids themselves - I could say surviving skills.
Mothers at the other hand provides warmth, ensure they eat well.
5. Academics is not all that a child wants so I should let go some of this exam stress and start living with what the kids need to excel in life - their passion.
6. Responsibility and timing. Okay, you are living at the same hut now with your family. And hell lots of challenges in managing each other time. Wake up time, sleeping time, nap time, play time, go out time. You will need lots of patience in dealing with this as it's not easy to change partners behaviour. Live with it, else set your own timing and talk with each other your plan and adjust together.
7. Having less things at home - this could create less clutter and you spent less time nagging the kids to pick up or the partner to tidy up. Trying to work on to be a minimalist but shopping is woman's best friend... okok trying very hard.
8. Trust the Children and we need to let go. We will need to gradually get the kids to assist with some house chores and another good thing that I figure out recently is sending them to holiday camp is good too. They come back to appreciate more of what they have and getting more independent traits. It's just us, the parents who need to let go and let them have fun at the camp while you can enjoy some marriage loving time with your spouse.
Do pen down your thoughts too!
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